“Bled goes beyond anything I’ve ever read” – what rating do you think this reviewer gave Bled?

First off, I think it’s important to point out that I am REALLY enjoying getting reviews (especially brutally honest reviews) for my debut darkly erotic psychological thriller, Bled. Because, let’s be honest, all strong feedback (both positive and negative) means that the reader ‘felt’ something, like the reader below, who “at one point…actually cheered!”

Now onto the point of this post. I would be very interested to find out what you, dear reader, thinks the reviewer quoted below actually rated Bled.

“I was forewarned: this book contains explicit scenes of sex and violence. I didn’t mind because I read a lot of crime and horror novels and I have a strong stomach. Bled goes beyond anything I’ve ever read. I still mostly enjoyed it….”

Ok, so you were forewarned, this is an explicity violent, gory, sexual book. Great. And you don’t mind, because you read a lot of crime and horror novels, and have a strong stomach. Fantastic! So what did you think? “Bled goes beyond anything I’ve ever read.” Stupendous! Because that means that Bled is UNIQUE and ONE OF A KIND…but did you like it? Let’s see. What did you say next… “I still mostly enjoyed it.” Wow. I’m glowing with pride and happiness as the author right now. Let’s see what you think of the heroine.

“Cassie is a strong, tough woman…she is no damsel in distress; she knows kickboxing and has no qualms about using her skills to defend herself – at one point, I actually cheered!” Ok. So, you felt ‘with’ our heroine, Cassie. You felt so strongly about her that you actually cheered! That’s AWESOME! We authors LOVE people who cheer while reading our books. I am now floating several inches off the ground. I am LOVING this reviewer! But did my novel deliver on all this hype? Let’s see…

“The final scenes are full of tension and I couldn’t stop reading. There are some truly shocking twists.” Fantastic! So you really got into the main character, loved the book throughout, cheered along and were rushed through the tense final scenes which meant you “coudn’t stop reading.” I am on cloud nine – this is the sort of review writers dream of (or so I feel). Keep the positive juices flowing! I can’t wait to show you my next book! Bring it on!

But then “the very graphic sex scenes just kept getting in the way.” Um. Ok. So the warning that there was going to be explicit sex and violence wasn’t enough to let you know that there was going to be…explicit sex in the book. Clearly an oversight on my part. I need to put a gauge to show HOW MUCH explicit sex is in the book, to give people a FAIR warning of what they should expect. (Note to self, duly noted.) Great. So, did that explicitly sexual content bother you?

“I don’t mind explicit sexual content, as long as it’s related to the story.” Good, so we’re ok, then, right?

“Here, most of the sex is gratuitous and goes on for too long.” Ok. Too much, too long sex. Got it. Understood. What else?

“One scene interrupts the very well written climax with another kind of climax that, in my opinion, disrupted the excellent rhythm of the plot and made it screech to a halt.”

Wait. Earlier you said that “The final scenes are full of tension and I couldn’t stop reading.” Now you are saying that one of the sex scenes “disrupted the excellent rhythm of the plot” (thank you for that compliment by the way) “and made it screech to a halt.”
So which was it? You “couldn’t stop reading” or did the book “screech to a halt”? (Apologies if I am being pedantic here, but those two statements are mutually exclusive, seeing as “stop” and “halt” are synonyms.)

Fine, pedantic pickiness aside, what is your summation of Bled as a whole? “The story is engrossing and I read it in a few hours, so overall it’s entertaining.”

Ok. Great! That’s fantastic! So, although there was one sex scene which you felt interrupted the “excellent rhythm of the plot”, you felt that “the story is engrossing” and you “read it in a few hours, so overall it’s entertaining.”

What a great review overall! Thank you!

Now, dear reader, can you guess what this reviewer rated Bled, out of 5 stars, with the above text in the body of their review?

Without looking at Goodreads or Amazon reviews, what is your first honest guess?